Memories and aims for 7 Oct 2008

this date, will be the day where i will be train to be a man. Here, i will find my strengths n gain more confidence in myself.. as usually, everything comes with a price. So i need to endure the toughest training in my life, a training of fear, pain, self n love. Hopefully, im able to express my love to her as my heart now suddenly got really anxious n excited everytime i meet her. I really like her but im scared of being rejected.. is that weird?? or is that common?? ive expressed my love to someone before, but it turns out ugly. even after getting positive advice and support from my frends, all i can say is Reality is not Fantasy.. I was a fool to think that it will turn a happy ending, eventhough i knew it wont werk. Haiz, cant think back the pain n sufferring i went through. All the sacrifices ive made turn out to be a waste of my life living in this world. ive lost hope n ive became violent. i forgot my purpose of continuing living n i lost my happiness. That changes after i met my childhood friends. They gave a reason to live. And that reason was to value life n enjoy living. Eventhough hanging around with them is great n fun but still, i need a female companion to always be there by myside. Its a fact that love makes u stronger than anyone, cause u would train to be strong to protect the ones u love. Ive been watching some animes on the internet and thier strengths, inspiried me to give love another chance to flow. And this flow somehow goes with my close friend. I know her for almost 2 years n know her background n stuff. But 2 things stop me from proposing, 1) she wouldnt want to fall in love with a friend cause it would feel awkward.. 2) she has a ring on her finger.
Is it wrong to fall in love with someone in the circle bond of friends??

I really hope she doesnt read this cause i may lose myself again n i wont be able to meet her all the time nor talk to her nor feel her...T_T
I hope after NS, im able to tell her seriously bout my feelings. Cause most of the time, i would try to change the atmosphere by turning it into a joke... which i feel really menyesal with myself..

Give a chance to do the rite thing

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